Brazil is a magical place of ass and jujitsu. Brazil also makes some amazing steak, which I presume is what feeds the asses so that they grow into perfect round bubbles. Brazil also defines what the rest of the world sees as ‘exotic’. Big lips, bright eyes, tan skin and nudity. I’m not sure why ‘exotic’ and ‘nudity’ go together, but you know damn well I’m right.
Slim scored a 75% on the ‘exotic’ scale, namely because she didn’t get undressed during this interview. But her lack of nudity forced me to focus on her amazing intellect and fierce love for journalism. So I guess that’s okay.
The first thing I think of when I meet her is simple: blazing green eyes.
G³: Your eyes are green as fuck. Why is that?
Slim: Because I’m part of the Master Race. The other one. Brazilian.
G³: So do you like fart porn?
Slim: Do I what?
G³: Do you like fart porn?
Slim: Oh. Yeah. Big shout out to that guy who wanted to be in fart-male-white-porn. Heard he got to marry a fart.
G³: I won’t ask. So you’re older than your average gosu gamer. How does that feel?
Slim: Y’know, sometimes I feel like the Cryptkeeper. But it’s kinda eye-opening just looking at this shit. I mean, I grew up with 16-bit shit, and it’s crazy seeing how things have come over the past 20 years.
G³: You know 20 years is 2 decades, right?
Slim: Yeah. But I did age well. I’ll be hot at 100.
G³: So how’s it feel being a journalist with a degree in journalism, but now you’re the interviewee?
Slim: I feel naked.
G³: Well… since you feel naked… can we make fart porn?
Slim: Can I do the leglift fart?
G³: Only if I can do the Belgium Telephone.
Slim: Alright. This just got serious.
G³: Speaking of farts, what is your favorite food?
Slim: I really love lasagna. Can’t go wrong with mama’s home made lasagne.
G³: So is mama’s lasagna what made you so tall? Are all of the women in your family that tall?
Slim: Actually, no. They’re all short.
G³: So.. you’re a Pripyat baby. Enough of your distractions. What got you into journalism?
Slim: I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Ever since I was younger. Used to carry a notebook everywhere, writing everything I could. I love to write.
G³: Ever written about farts?
Slim: Y’know, not yet. But I have a feeling I will in the future. Actually, if you fart right now I’ll interview it.
G³: That sounds dangerous. So what’s your favorite game of all time?
Slim: Honestly… I’ve been around for awhile. So you might not have heard of this. But it’s Manhunt II.
G³: Do you have a favorite Journalist?
Slim: I do. Hunter S. Thompson.
G³: So can we expect a piece called “The Gonzo Farts”?
Slim: Do you keep asking me about farts because you’re staring at my ass?
G³: You’re being inappropriate and this interview is over.