Admittedly, I don’t know the first fucking thing about Eastern Europe. I know Russians are cool as shit from my own personal experience, and I know some of the hottest women on Earth come from over there. But other than that, you could probably troll me into believing that Ukraine was the world’s leading exporter of potassium.
So when this slinky minx introduced herself with an accent dripping with the motherland, I suddenly became interested in all things CCCP.
Ana is what happens when Borscht and Holodets raise a body; and as I can tell you that body is fucking good. I will willfully focus on other things right now, which is hard for me to do.
She’s an artist. Loves her craft. Loves everything about her craft. Pursued education in the arts. Some of the prettiest things this world will ever show you will come from this girl’s hands.
So I had some questions to ask her.
G³: So how’d you get into art?
Ana: I went to high school and got into an art program as soon as I came to America. It all started there.
G³: So you didn’t wrestle bears or grow up in a space station?
Ana: No, I didnt. I grew up in an apartment. Because Ukraine is made of buildings.
G³: Like, Ukraine is MADE of buildings?
Ana: I lived in the city. (EDITORS NOTE: Her tone says “No, you fuckhead“)
G³: So you love Star Wars. What’s with that obsession?
Ana: Well, the weapons. And Yoda is the cutest. And Rei is the hottest.
G³: So what’s your favorite thing about America?
Ana: Money. I like money a lot. And Pizza. And Street Fighter. New York Pizza is the best though.
G³: So, if you could be a mail order bride for pizza, would you be?
Ana: No. Pizza makes you fat.
G³: Pizza makes you fat??
Ana: *giggles maniacally* You’re stupid. Pizza gives you a muffin top.
G³: Are you hitting on me right now?
Ana: I’m pretty subtle with that kind of thing. Usually people don’t get it when I hit on them. Maybe I’m too direct. It’s the European in me.
G³: One time I dated a lumberjack girl from Mongolia. She was huge.
Ana: Ew. That must have been a really eye opening experience. Was it, you know, Mongolian down there?
G³: Counseling has helped me move on. So what do you have to say to the world?
Ana: *giggles and gives a peace sign* Hi! *starts singing and walks off*